University of Flannel
Monday, August 25th, 2014
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
I’ve been so busy with end of summer health issues, sorority recruitment, and moving.
I’m now a member of Alpha Gamma Delta, and I officially live in Lawrence, and I’m beyond psyched. I went from living a completely anti social life in small town Kansas, to making friends all over the world the past few months, and rooming with the most amazing girls, and adoring every single human being that crosses my path. I’m so in love with this city, this college, and these people. I’ve already made a ridiculous amount of memories, and this is only the first day. If I could give one piece of advice to you all on the interweb, it would be this: live somewhere you love. Don’t settle for simple “acceptance,” but rather THRIVE on your surroundings and allow them to shape you into the person you are meant to be. I genuinely hope that your whole year is as lovely as the beginning of mine has been.
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dress: Charlotte Russe
top: JCP
shoes: Charlotte Russe
shoes:
Pearl Dipped, Blonde Curled Doll
Thursday, July 31st, 2014
bright pink lipped, satin sashed doll,
eternally confined within purple pastel walls.
Pearl dipped, blonde curled doll,
longing for every last brick to fall.
with powder blue heels impatiently tapping,
she dreamed of the walls around her collapsing.
persistent reveries of twirls and laughing,
ceased her waiting and sent her on packing.
she escaped the coldness of the general vicinity,
following wherever the sun shined brilliantly.
in a simple search for new energy and divinity,
she blissfully played and explored for infinity.
I promise I haven’t forgotten about you, lovelies. Post-travel depression is a thing, I’m sure of it. I’ve been reflecting so much, that the present has, on occasion, slipped my mind. I’m just not quite in the swing of things yet- which is a good thing in my opinion. I don’t like staying in the same place for too long. I want to be constantly on the move, constantly evolving, and constantly creating. I’m moving away in seventeen days (!!!!!) and I only have thirty billion things left to do. I have so much in the works, it’s overwhelming in the absolute best way. The last text I received says “I feel like you’re starting to find your passion in life” and in little ways, I suppose I am. But maybe my biggest passion is life. I think that’s acceptable. I bought this outfit overseas- the dress in London, the shoes in Paris. I am obsessed with the whole thing. I love white dresses in general, but the lace sleeves and pearl edged neckline sold it for me. I saw the shoes in the sale bin at Zara, and they were actually small enough for me, which never happens. Don’t be fooled, my ribbon belt is actually from the silk robe currently hanging in my bathroom.
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Dress: Lily J London
Heels: Zara
Fragmented Fairytales
Thursday, July 17th, 2014
Once upon a time, there was a girl of merely eighteen, who lived in a great world of abundance. She spent her days spilling her dreams into a leather-bound journal and her nights contently living inside her head. She looked outside her window every morning at the endless rows of wheat, sipping her coffee, wondering silently to herself where those fields ended and where life began.
She left on a Friday, her journal still in hand, her dreams still in head, temporarily trading her world of abundance for a few feet of suitcase and a couple of strange beds. She took a few planes, rising above the veins of her town, watching them mingle and intertwine. The fields of wheat became rows of humbling skyscrapers. The flat, mundane land turned lush and green right before her eyes. On the final plane toward her dream world, she watched the sunrise against the Atlantic ocean while traveling 25,000 feet above it. She wasn’t just in the veins of a city anymore, she was in the heart of the world. She suddenly realized, this is where life began.
For the next month, she simply wandered.
Every morning she woke up as if it was for the first time. She looked outside her window at the nearly extraterrestrial world the lay before her, sipping her coffee, wondering silently to herself why she ever counted life in years rather than miles. For the first time, she felt understood. Her lightness was appreciated and her darkness embraced by cities who always left her with more questions than answers.
Surrounded by languages she knew she would never be able to imitate, she met other travelers in English pubs, all of them intriguing, all of them gone before she had the chance to say goodbye.
Still clutching her train ticket ever-so-nostalgically, she journaled in the famous coffee shops of Amsterdam, watching smoke delicately dance all around, tugging at strangers’ lips then disappearing into nothingness, as elusive and unpredictable as her own heart. She tried to tread quietly, knowing this world would soon forget her, but even so, her laughter still mixed with friendly giants and naked bikers in magical parks. Red lights still bounced off her own eyes and reflected into another, eerily familiar set. She soon realized that she didn’t know how to feel about leaving the city that had effortlessly and unexpectedly captured her heart, so she simply felt- her salty tears catching on the slight curve of her smile before dropping, permanently etched into the water that absentmindedly flows through the Dutch canals.
In Paris, she observed the city shrinking right along with her ego as a lift casually scaled her up to the top of the Eiffel. Distanced from both earth and reality, her red dress was utterly consumed by the glittering tower. She watched her journey come to an end in The City of Lights, concluding it all with one final act of permanence.
She hoarded memories, selfishly keeping them all for herself, safe in her mind, sharing them only with those present and of course her nearly full journal, knowing the world she was now flying back to would never fully understand or even truly care.
But she cared. And that was enough.
Red, White, and You
Monday, July 14th, 2014
He says he likes girls like me,
girls who are quiet and unassuming on the surface,
yet so dark to the touch.
You’ve got skin like suicide, he says.
Skin like jumping out of a burning building.
Heart like a car crash.
Eyes like you’ve heard this all before.
I think you’re seeing me as more than I am, I tell him.
What makes you say that?
Because, I say. You’re boxing me into some tragedy.
What if I want to be a soap opera? Or a comedy?
You, he says, looking at me very seriously.
You were not made to be enjoyed and then forgotten.
I am trying to wrap my head around being everything to someone.
I remind myself that this is what I’ve always wanted-
to be an idea, elusive and free, floating in and out of people’s lives.
This is what I’ve asked for,
but I never expected it to feel this lonely.
I am not simple tragedy.
Not just epic novel, everlasting play, straight-to-VHS sob story.
I contain elements of more,
with my skin like a drugstore paperback,
heart like a scratched record,
and eyes like I’ve skipped ahead and read the last page.
I am not looking for a writer to brand my story.
Nor am I a book you can store alongside your other tragedies.
I am the whole damn library.
As much as I miss Europe, I’m so happy to be able to sleep in my own bed and speak English without feeling bad. AND BLOGGING. ESPECIALLY BLOGGING. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. I loved my little hiatus, but I wasn’t prepared for how much I would miss the creative process of what I do. I was amazed by how many of you were still periodically checking my blog for new posts while I was away?! If you’re reading this right now, I’m absolutely in love with you. Seriously. I was in Paris for Independence Day, which was weird, so I’ve been repping red white and blue for days now. The polka dots and heart shaped sunnies are just a given if you know me at all. I’ve traded my strappy bikinis for vintage feeling swimwear over the summer and it feels right. I love the fit of this swimsuit from ModCloth– it’s flattering on literally every shape, and it comes in so many prints and colors. It also looks great paired with skirts, shorts, anything you can think of- which is a definite plus. It’s almost been overwhelming going from living out of a suitcase to having three closets to choose from. In the time that I’ve been away, I’ve realized what matters to me and what doesn’t. I’ve realized where I want to be, and I’ve realized how content I am with where I’m at now. My Barton chapter is now closed. My Europe chapter is now closed. This next month before I move away is a chapter all in its own as well; my life plans have changed considerably in the last month, but I’m finding an extensive amount of joy in just living and writing and being at the moment. I can’t wait to share the rest of my trip with you and to get back into the swing of blogging! I hope your week is off to as beautiful of a start as I feel mine is. I’m thankful for YOU today.
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swimsuit: ModCloth
skirt: Bought in London- similar here
heels: old- similar here
United Kingdom
Friday, July 4th, 2014
Hi I love traveling alone and I want to do this forever.
I think I will.
When I arrived in London, I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed and alone. I flew in not only on a friday the 13th, but on a full moon as well. My flight from Wichita to Chicago went relatively smooth- only twenty minutes late. My second flight from Chicago to New York was nearly six hours late because of some biblical storm in NYC. When we finally arrived at JFK airport, we circled until we were out of fuel because everything was so backed up. When we touched down, we waited thirty minutes on our landed plane to park at the terminal. Then we were legitimately locked in our gate’s hallway for ten minutes. The power on my third flight from NYC to London went out and that might have been the scariest bit of my trip. My luggage was lost for two days and I was in my own daze.
EVERYTHING WENT UP FROM THERE
I’ve never felt more in sync with my brain. It’s fun to test my limits. I’ve met the most interesting people, I’ve navigated cities all by my lonesome, and I’ve learned more about myself in the past few weeks than I have in my entire existence. I don’t really have many pictures of London which is odd because I was there for actually ever. Pictures and even words have been so secondary lately. There is no way I can do any sort of justice to this planet, so I kind of just decided to live it.
I met up with one of my friend’s from back home friends. Who lives in Georgia and happened to be in London at the same time as me. We did touristy things and ate weird foods and I like her. I made so many lovely friends in London, but it was nice to get away from the speedy city of London for a few hours and make my way to Bath, which I’m still lusting over. That’s a city I would live in. I specifically love all of the parks. Everyone just straight up chills wherever- reading, drinking, talking, being. It’s nice to see that kind of relaxation. (update: Bath didn’t compare to Amsterdam)
I visited the Roman Baths- which were being emptied and cleaned (lol what?!) Aside from the fact that the Romans were architectural geniuses and the baths still function properly twenty centuries in the future, the part that intrigued me the most was that they thought the hot springs were the gods and the goddesses, so of course they bathed to heal and socialize, but they also wrote lists of wrong doers, saying things like “Kurt stole two silver coins from me. He deserves to be without a mind and a tongue” and they threw these comments in the hot spring in order to get the gods attention. Some were just lists of names. A hit list for the gods? Like high school only in the first century. They actually had a preserved skeleton of a Roman who lived in Bath, which intrigued me because hello, anatomy and bones and all things odd.
I miss my family. I’ve never been away from them for this long. I miss my kitten. She isn’t a kitten anymore. I miss my bed. I miss being able to be naked whenever I want. I miss peanut butter. I miss constants. But I’ll miss this. I’ve never felt more present. Everything from “home” has melted away. Every problem, every boy seems irrelevant. I don’t know how to small talk anymore. I don’t know what I’ll tell people about this trip. This journey has forced me to face myself and to reevaluate absolutely everything from what I’ll do for the rest of my summer to what I’ll do for the rest of my life.
I have all of these stories that I don’t even feel like sharing with anyone. I know. The people I was with know. That’s enough.
Even this general post feels odd. I couldn’t begin to describe any specifics to anyone but my journal if I tried.
I know I’m posting this from Paris on Independence Day, and that’s weird. I’ve never not seen fireworks on the fourth of July, but honestly I’ve never felt more independent. I wanted my life to change and it has. I wanted to feel and I have. I’m not even two decades into this world and I’ve done done things that dying humans wish they would have had the courage to do at 18 or 20 or even 90, and I’m at peace.
Topknots and Travels
Friday, June 13th, 2014
Friday the 13th. I’m living on a total of two hours of sleep. Surviving on coffee. I’m leaving for Europe TODAY. As I type this, I’m sitting in an airport terminal. I’ve decided to wait to write this post until it feels real enough. First stop- London. I’ll be exploring Europe on my own for around a month! Whenever I tell that to people, they freak out. Even my parents have seen the movie Taken one too many times. I feel so many things in this moment- anxiety, bliss, euphoria; I can’t stop smiling. How did this happen? How am I able to live this amazing life? This is too much. I decided to travel this summer a long time ago. (Literally years.) I’m about to transition into a huge part of my life. I’m moving out in August. To my favorite city in Kansas. I’m at a point where I’m making huge, life-changing decisions, and I just feel the need to do some soul searching- go on a life-changing trip to match. I’m ready to learn how to put myself out there and overcome these anxieties I have been living with for so long. I need to learn the right way to live in the present. I need to experience. I’m so READY to take control of my life and really LIVE it. I can’t begin to explain how wanderlusty I am. I’m such a travel cliché. Why would anybody want to live an average life? I am curious by nature, and I can’t wait to explore this beautiful planet I’ve been placed on by some miracle of the universe. This is finally an opportunity for me to retain new energy and inspiration and my own being. I chose to go alone so I can get the most out of this journey. I want to journal in coffee shops, see the sights through my own eyes, and do what I want, when I want. People don’t want to be alone, naturally. Maybe it’s because they don’t want to face themselves. But that’s the only way to realize who you truly are…… by being alone. My desires are experiences rather than objects, which is an odd thing coming from a fashion blogger who goes by the domain name of “Vanity-Laced.” I don’t want to travel, I need to. I only feel like myself when I’m living out of a suitcase, planning, and improvising. None of this has felt real yet. I don’t think it’s really going to kick in until I’m walking the streets of London, honestly. One of my friends also happens to be independently traveling Europe right NOW as well?!?! I’ve stressed so much about this trip and he’s actually helped me sort out my mentality about this trip in ways I wish I could put into words. (I don’t think he even realizes it lol.) it’s just comforting to know that somebody out there from my tiny Kansas town has the same mindset as I do and is making the same mistakes right now. I will try and keep you all updated as much as possibly. I’m looking forward to sharing these moments with you all. I’m not sure what to expect, but I’m tired of trying to imagine. I will land and my mind is going to explode. I don’t care what happens on this trip, which is something most people can’t grasp. I WILL get lost. I will make American tourist mistakes. But I will learn, I will watch my own ego dissolve, and I will evolve. This shirt has every single one of my intentions on it. I couldn’t summarize this situation any better. Remember, you can be a light absolutely ANYWHERE. Treat everyday as if you were on a life-altering journey, because in this moment, you ARE.
Tee: SuperLoveTees
Sunnies: Sunnn Daze Sunnnies
Wildflowers Grow in Rubble
Saturday, June 7th, 2014
Happy Saturday, lovelies! I was so excited to find this dress from Wet Seal for the summer! I absolutely love dresses I can just throw on and go. Especially when they have open backs and daisies. I love shooting with other people in this location filled with burnt remains and chaos, so I was happy when a family friend of mine (Mike Courson) wanted to shoot with me. I’m leaving in SIX days for London, and I’m going to be living in dresses like these from my suitcase for around a month. I’ve been sick for the past week (thankfully before my big trip) and I’ve had so much time to think and reflect and feel all of my anxiety catch up with me. It’s been a complete struggle to leave my familiar bed, honestly. I’ll talk more about my trip in an upcoming post, but I’m so eager to absorb new energy and gain new experiences. I’m ready to transition my life into everything I’ve dreamed of, while still maintaining the beauty of this actual moment. I’m ready to learn more about balance.
Tea Time
Saturday, May 31st, 2014
I think you’re swell, really.
You may even be my ideal cup of tea.
But you see, darling, the thing is, I’ve never been fond of tea. I drink it, yes. But what exactly should that mean to you?
When I was younger, I happened to pass by the most extravagant silver tea set as I was window shopping with my mum through the streets of New York; I begged her to buy it for me, and she obliged only after I promised her I would grow to enjoy the taste.
Ten years later, I still cannot seem shake the bitterness from my tongue; I also cannot pass up the opportunity to add another beautifully crafted teacup to my ever-growing collection, either.
So maybe that’s why I drink tea daily: for the pure pleasure of sipping from a particularly lavish cup.
I guess what I’m trying to say, is that maybe you are the most steamy, delightfully flavorful cup of tea around.
But I’ve had plenty of tea in my life,
and yet, I still prefer coffee.
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dress: bcbg
heels: AMI Clubwear
Bracelets: Forever21
Grunge VS Chic
Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
This shirt was made for me. I’m incredibly thankful to have this summer to take a step back, do the things I love, learn, grow, and reflect. Before heading off to an overwhelmingly new start in a new town with all new people, it really is nice to be able to focus a bit on your health, your interests, and your being. I love this shirt a lot because it can go from a casually cool outfit paired with distressed denim, heels, and a clutch, to my workout attire with some oh-so-chic leggings. I have a jeep. I have a couple plane tickets. I have some fresh journals. And I have some coffee in hand. I’m so ready to take this summer by storm and make the absolute most of my time here!
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Top: Forever21
Bra: Forever21
Bracelet: Forever21
Heels: Nasty Gal (Similar here)
Clutch: Maurices
Floral Lettering
Saturday, May 24th, 2014
Have you ever fallen in love with someone’s writing?
Not with their face, but with their words?
Not with their touch, but with their views?
If we were to kiss, I bet we would spontaneously ignite
into either nothingness, or everything,
or maybe both simultaneously.
I don’t know the difference between the two anyways.
All I know is how much every single letter of the alphabet means to me.
Some arrange these letters to singe, others to scorch,
but you- you write all of your consonants so deliberately
and your vowels so consciously,
and every word reminds me to feel.
Every fire starts with a single spark
and I’ve never laid eyes on a fire that wasn’t vast and brilliant.
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Top: Forever21
Bra: Forever21
Shorts: Charlotte Russe
Wedges: AMI Clubwear
Dreary days call for not-so-dreary attire! I’m so in love with these comfy floral ruffled shorts from Charlotte Russe. They’re so feminine and girly! I paired them with a matching hot hot hot pink crop top and some equally girly wedges! Nothing says spring quite like the perfect balance of floral, lace, and bows!
Wondering & Wandering