Red, White, and You
Monday, July 14th, 2014
He says he likes girls like me,
girls who are quiet and unassuming on the surface,
yet so dark to the touch.
You’ve got skin like suicide, he says.
Skin like jumping out of a burning building.
Heart like a car crash.
Eyes like you’ve heard this all before.
I think you’re seeing me as more than I am, I tell him.
What makes you say that?
Because, I say. You’re boxing me into some tragedy.
What if I want to be a soap opera? Or a comedy?
You, he says, looking at me very seriously.
You were not made to be enjoyed and then forgotten.
I am trying to wrap my head around being everything to someone.
I remind myself that this is what I’ve always wanted-
to be an idea, elusive and free, floating in and out of people’s lives.
This is what I’ve asked for,
but I never expected it to feel this lonely.
I am not simple tragedy.
Not just epic novel, everlasting play, straight-to-VHS sob story.
I contain elements of more,
with my skin like a drugstore paperback,
heart like a scratched record,
and eyes like I’ve skipped ahead and read the last page.
I am not looking for a writer to brand my story.
Nor am I a book you can store alongside your other tragedies.
I am the whole damn library.
As much as I miss Europe, I’m so happy to be able to sleep in my own bed and speak English without feeling bad. AND BLOGGING. ESPECIALLY BLOGGING. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. I loved my little hiatus, but I wasn’t prepared for how much I would miss the creative process of what I do. I was amazed by how many of you were still periodically checking my blog for new posts while I was away?! If you’re reading this right now, I’m absolutely in love with you. Seriously. I was in Paris for Independence Day, which was weird, so I’ve been repping red white and blue for days now. The polka dots and heart shaped sunnies are just a given if you know me at all. I’ve traded my strappy bikinis for vintage feeling swimwear over the summer and it feels right. I love the fit of this swimsuit from ModCloth– it’s flattering on literally every shape, and it comes in so many prints and colors. It also looks great paired with skirts, shorts, anything you can think of- which is a definite plus. It’s almost been overwhelming going from living out of a suitcase to having three closets to choose from. In the time that I’ve been away, I’ve realized what matters to me and what doesn’t. I’ve realized where I want to be, and I’ve realized how content I am with where I’m at now. My Barton chapter is now closed. My Europe chapter is now closed. This next month before I move away is a chapter all in its own as well; my life plans have changed considerably in the last month, but I’m finding an extensive amount of joy in just living and writing and being at the moment. I can’t wait to share the rest of my trip with you and to get back into the swing of blogging! I hope your week is off to as beautiful of a start as I feel mine is. I’m thankful for YOU today.
—————————–
swimsuit: ModCloth
skirt: Bought in London- similar here
heels: old- similar here
Leave a Reply
Wondering & Wandering